.. sometimes it takes closing your eyes to see what you really have

The worst kind of pain is when your smiling, just to stop the tears from falling. Your sleeping, just so you don’t have to think.

I live in notes and photographs and everything im holding back. But you’re the words that weren’t enough, you remind me of a song I used to love.

i don’t know what it is about you.. maybe it’s the way nothing else matters when we’re talking, or how you make me smile more than anyone else has. it could be the way you say the right thing at the right time. but whatever it is, i just want you to know that it means everything to me.

And it hurts more than anything.. When the memories that are keeping you together become the reason you’re completely falling apart.

Lately I don’t care if I fall apart or stay together because in the darkness of every night, it will happen either way because my eyes finally see what my heart feels, complete emptiness.

“Please don’t go away. No one’s ever stuck with me so long. I know it’s there, cause when I look at you, I can feel it. And I look at you and I’m home. Please.. I don’t want it to go away. I don’t want to forget.”

trust me, i know how it feel. i know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you. i know what it’s like to wait for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels.

I just wanted to tell you, that you are why i daydream. you are why I’m always so tired, because i spend the whole night thinking about you. you are the reason i come to school each morning. you are why i get those butterflies in my stomach. every time i look at you, my heart begins to race. it’s that simple; you are my everything.

you want to know what living life to the fullest actually is? it’s waking up on a monday morning with no complaints. it’s knowing you always deserve to laugh. it’s doing what feels right no matter what. it’s doing what you want to no matter how stupid you look. it’s about being yourself, because no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.

…and im always and forever thankful for that. and i bet you have no idea how much I’ve changed since you left. im stronger now, somehow the pain helps me to grow, to be a better person. forgiveness set me free, yes, whatever the pain you’ve caused, i forgive you. no bitterness now, just acceptance.

Much time has passed between us, and sometimes i wonder..do you still think of me? of how we used to be? of our memories? i hope that when you look back, you’ll smile, and no…don’t feel bad about me, or the pain you have caused. i want you to be happy, i only wish all the good thing in you, and i hope that all of those future plan you have before, please make them all come true. believe in yourself, the way i believe in you… i know you can do it. and please don’t  ever, ever, think that you’re not good enough, because for me, until now..you are worth it, even all the pain. everything about you is wonderful, and i feel happy knowing that i’ve given a chance to know someone like you. you’re special you know.

and now, all i have is your memories, and day after day…they fade. i miss you..i miss talking to you.

I want to be the girl that changed everything. The girl that made a difference. The girl that gave you a story to tell.

the laws of physics are basically the laws of life. with all the unpredictable chaos around us, there are certain universal constants. gravity, the speed of light… these constants never change, even when everything else around them does. life is full of unknowns, and when those unknowns are too overwhelming, it’s the constants that we have to hold onto. like our friends, the ones who are not afraid to tell us that there’s no such thing as normal. the ones who have been in our lives for every minute with you, even the hardest minutes. like those who could have walked away, but chose to stick around. even though they had their own lives, families, their own children. like our parents, because we wouldn’t be here without them. who pick us up when we fall, who come when we call them, who answer when we knock. we all learned what a light-year is. and these years together have been our light-years. the years where everything became brighter, where we learned that the bright spots in our life aren’t merely spots, but constants. and no matter where i go or what i do, you are my constant

if you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wonders

we all remember the bedtime stories of our childhood. The shoe fits cinderella, the frog turns into a prince, sleeping beauty is awakened with a kiss, once upon a time and they they lived happily ever after. Fairytales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairytales don’t come true. It’s the other dark stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seems to become reality. 

.. and turnin the page smearing the ink and the love always

I miss the past, everyone and everything about it. They say it's not good to live in the past. But what if the past is where I want to be? And all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Things change and so do people, that's life, but when things are good why can't they stay the same? There's nothing I or anyone can do about it and I guess we just have to enjoy what we have.

We have nothing in common and we don't share the same opinions on anything. Every time we talk we end up arguing, but there's just something about you that makes me weak at the knees.

And before I leave, I'd like one thing.? I'd like you to tell me that you loved me. Don't lie to yourself & say you didn't, cause I've seen your eyes, I've seen the emotion behind them. So don't lie to me ?and tell me I meant nothing to you, when you know I meant the world.

The truth is, I really do miss what we almost had. You’re the only person that ever made me feel anything; really feel. Even if it wasn’t always the best of feelings, you’re the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You’re the only person that can drive me crazy, in both good and bad ways. You’re the only person that ever made me feel like I didn’t have to try so hard. And I know that you’re not okay without me either, or you wouldn’t talk about such things as you do. I just wish you knew I still loved you, and I wish you would do something with that knowledge. I wish you would grab me and hold me tight in your arms and whisper in my ear how much you loved me more, like you always did.

The worst thing is loving someone when you shouldn’t anymore. It’s caring about someone, wondering how they are and what they’re up to when the truth is they’ve stopped wondering about you a long time ago. The worst thing is remembering every single detail of your relationship when he’s obviously long forgotten about you. The worst thing is missing him so much when he doesn’t even realize you’re gone, the worst thing is feeling the same as you ever did, knowing you shouldn’t because he doesn’t anymore.

I know that you and I have both moved on. We’ve both grown up and

traveled down very different paths. I know that things will probably neverbe the same again, and I know I’ll miss them from time to time. And I don’t think we should try to make them the same again because I’d like to remember them the way they were: awkward and imperfect and amazing and breathtaking. We did have some pretty snazzy times, didn’t we? I hope you always remember them and never forget them. I hope you think of me and the memories we made every now and then and smileyour face off. I know I will.

He talked to her again, as friends. It's been a while, but his eyes were just as blue and his smile was just as bright as always. He made her smile, he made her fall in love, again.

When you hugged me, that was when I really started to cry; it was when it actually hit me. No heaves and sighs, just tears flowing down my cheeks. Most people would have just given me a hug and let go, but you held on like you were trying to make sense out of all of it, too; like you needed a hug just as much as I did.

It's like I was chasing after you and I really, really wanted to catch you.. But now I realized if you wanted to be caught, you would have stopped running.

She hides herself with music. She never shows her feelings; always keeping things bottled up inside. I’d hate to see the day she exposes it all. When she tells you how you’ve made her feel, you’ll never be able to look at her the same way every again. Never.

i want to be alright without you. i want to smile, i want to laugh, i just want to stop lying to myself. you've been pulling me down for way too long and i know now it's time to let you go. it's time i stop worrying about you and your precious little life; it's time i think about myself for a change. it's time i treat myself right and leave behind those who don't. it's time i dig myself out of this hole and start all over again with someone who just might be willing to give me the chance that you never did.

maybe this is supposed to be the end of us, maybe we are not supposed to reconcile and be friends again. maybe we were here to teach one another a lesson, and once the lesson was taught we were supposed to leave. you taught me love, lust, pain and trust. i taught you to never let anyone take advantage of you. and now maybe, just maybe, this is the end for us.

the reason why people hold onto memories so tight, is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does.

sometimes there is nothing to be said. sometimes nothing should be said. i just want to find someone who won't run away. someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay; that things don't always go right. that is how life works and how it will always work. that it's not going to be easy. today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better.

just when you least expect it, you start to think about how he made you laugh, how you feel when you're around him; and then you realize that after all this time, you cared about him more than you thought you did.

even though i'm moving on, i will never forget you. all because you were my first true love. and there will come a time in my life when i will thank you for that because by you breaking my heart, it made me a little bit stronger and you made me a little bit closer to finding the one that i'm meant to spend the rest of my life with. the scary thing is all the pain you put me through, with the snap of your fingers i'd run back so fast. but I can’t do that to myself again, I just can’t.

As I stand here looking at you, I wonder if there will ever be a day when I will get over your smile.

Sometimes you think you've gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize, you're just pretending you're over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.

I remember the last time I had my heart broken and I kept on telling myself that it will be the last time. Wonder how many times people use the words “this will be the last time”? Whether after drinking a bucketful of alcohol or giving someone a chance when they least deserve it.

.. i'll chase past the tail lights, head for the skyline

i'm so strong, and that's what scares me most. The fact that I'm so strong I can block everything out and never actually feel anything or handle any situation. That's what scares me the most. Being too strong that in the end, I'm only hurting myself.

You're as fake as the moans you make, and you're as weak as the hearts you break.

The thing that hurts the most is pretending that it doesn't.

Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

Every time I trust somebody, they show me why I shouldn't.

Have you ever felt jealous? Replaced, in a way, as though you have no significance in someone's life anymore. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep night after night wondering if there was something left to live for, when the one person who made you feel alive has gone and decided you're just not worth it anymore.

She's banged up. Mentally and emotionally. Literally and metaphorically. But every day she walks outside with a smile on her face. Because that’s who she is.

She has feelings; she has a heart. In fact, she probably has the biggest heart among all the girls you know. Because although you’ve given her nothing, not one reason for her to be around, she’s still there. And someday, she won’t be anymore.

The strongest people love even when their heart is broken.

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you. I need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.

The things we crave most are the things that destroy us the quickest.

Laugh when you can. Apologize when you should. And let go of what you can't change. Love deeply and forgive quickly. Take chances and give your everything. Life is too short to be anything but happy. You have to take the good with the bad. Love what you got. Always remember what you had. Forgive, but don't forget. Learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but always remember that life goes on.

There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that's thrown at them. We aren't made that way. In fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren't suppose to be able to handle everything. But that's what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us the most.

She didn't want to admit it, but she loved him more than she should have.

I have a feeling you're going to break my heart again. & I have a feeling I'll let you do it.

Some things just aren't meant to last. They take up a little space in your heart and leave you a little smarter for next time.

I wish you could fucking see. I wish you could see the shit I went through for the past months and the emotions I went through. The tears I cried, the nights I ruined for myself just knowing you were out with another girl. I'm not mad, I'm really not I just wish you could know how much I cared. What all I would have done for you. What all I fucking still would do. But I've come to a point where these feelings don't overpower me any longer. I've come to be free of your hold but I just wish you could have known all I went through just for you.

Tomorrow, I'll fake a smile. I'll hold up my head and pretend to laugh without knowing the joke. I'll have conversations that make no sense and I'll watch a world I don't understand. The people around me, don't know I stopped giving a damn long ago - I doubt they realize, all being too wrapped up in their next 'let's get smashed and not remember in the morning' parties.. to actually notice. It's hard describing this feeling. I'm not sure if I've given up on the rest of the world, or if they've just given up on me. But still, if I take away the friends who don't know me, the life that has no direction and the meaningless emotions, I have no doubt in my mind things will be a bit clearer. Because even when you're miles away and your voice becomes the sound I miss so much that it hurts, at least I know I'm part of your life, no matter how big or small that part might be.

Sometimes we have to be broken down to be rebuilt into what we are actually meant to be.

someday, we'll actually get this right

Please don't be like the others. Prove to me that you're different, show me you're worth fighting for.

People always say that they don’t care what happens, they just want the one they love to be happy. I don’t know how many of those people mean it, but i’ve thought it through, and i know that i truly want you to be happy. I’ve prayed and analyzed and considered, and in the end, i would trade my happiness for yours. I would give every last bit of it for you, so that you would never have a bad day or a day filled with doubt. Even if you being happy means you’re not with me. I would still want you to have all the happiness in the world.

My challenge in life: To constantly be on his mind, while trying not to lose my own.

People always ask her why she puts up with all of his shit, and she doesn’thave any sort of answer. She just rolls her eyes, laughs, and says nothing.She acts embarrassed that someone called her out on it, but she wishes they would just open their eyes. She doesn’t know why, except for the fact that she accepts him. Hell, she adores him, as ridiculous as that is, and it’s beginning to baffle her how nobody sees that.

I thought I saw you breaking, I thought I felt you care. But all the thingsI thought I felt, all the things I thought I saw, well, they weren’t really here.

.. one mind, one heart, one love ..

All I want is for you to know me again;for me to be in your life, and even if it can't happen right now, I would just like to know that I'm not blocked from your memory.

Awkward moments define me. I'd sleep all day if I could. I lack the capability to keep my mouth closed. Yeah, everyone has bad days, I just have more frequent ones. If you don't like me, don't act like you do, it really won't offend me. I've made mistakes. I've let people take advantage of me, and I accepted way less than I deserve. But I've learned from my bad choices  & even though there are some things I can never get back & people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time & I won't settle for anything less than I deserve

	Remember when we first met? We laughed and smiled together. It was a a perfect moment and, we didn't even know each other

But even in her laughter there was something missing. She never seemed to be truly happy; she just seemed to be passing time while she waited for something else. She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live.

i'm fine, i'm okay - but not when i think, thats when the pain comes my way. your name reminds me of the summer skies and your voice reminds me how the waves would rise. you disappearing reminds me of the cold winter snow, and with you gone, i don't know anything any more.

but love, i've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.

There was a time that we'd stay up all night, best friends talking 'til the daylight. Took the joys alongside the pain, with not much to lose but so much to gain.

And in that second something in her cracked. It was as if there were two parts of her fighting each other, each one ripping her open from the inside out. And from that day she would never be the same again. She would never be able to look at him and not cringe. Because this time, this time she was the victim and not the hero.

I could write novels about pain. Not the kind of pain you get when you break your arm, but the kind that makes your broken heart go into your throat, so that it takes all of your energy and concentration to breathe. The kind of pain that makes you want to scream & sob at the same time. The kind of pain that makes you want to hurt everyone around you because you’re suffering & they’re not, because they can breathe without feeling guilty & hold a normal conversation without breaking down into fits of tears or rage. A pain that bites it’s tongue and nods acceptably when asked if okay.

Take a deep breath. Calm down. Take ten steps back from the knife, the lighter or the mirror. Turn on your ipod, lay on the floor and take more deep breaths. You are worth more than this; you can be more than this. This does not have control over you. You are the one who will control your own destiny, your own pathways through life. Don't let shit tie you down or break your heart. It's okay to cry. Breathe again. You are alive and wonderful.

. You don't get to be mad at me. You did this. You get that right? I have always been there for you. I have gone out of my way for you over and over again. Do you do the same for me? No. Never. And yet I keep my mouth shut and say nothing about it. I am not in any way trying to say I'm a perfect friend. but I honestly believe I have done everything I am capable of doing, to keep you in my life. The more I tried to keep you, the more you pushed me away. I have been more understanding and forgiving with you, than I was ever capable of being with anyone else. I have literally put myself through emotional hell for you. I'm not blaming you for this, because I chose that. I chose to allow you to walk all over me without ever saying a word. I did that because I wanted you in my life so badly. But you don't get to be angry with me because I've finally decided that I can't take it anymore. I can't be the only one trying. It hurts too much. But apparently you don't understand that. I love you. You will always be my best friend. But I don't know if i've ever actually been yours, and I can't be second best anymore. I'm fucking tired of being second best to everyone. Especially you. So i'm letting this go. Never thought I'd say that, did you? I have to. I have to let this go because I'm not strong enough to handle it anymore. If you want me in my life, you need to fucking prove it to me.

I got that feeling again. You know, that heavy feeling you get, but you just have no idea why. You want to say something, anything, but nothing’s coming out. No matter how hard you try to find the right words. When you’re lying in bed, so tired but can’t sleep. Cause you know there are only two things that would help. And the first doesn’t give a shit anymore. So you just have to lie there, and wait for the tears to come out.

I guess I'm still holding on to something that I know will never happen, because somewhere deep down inside me, I have this little piece of hope that someday, it will.

Somehow it all leads back up to you. You were the main part of my life. Both, the good and the bad. Whenever I meet a new guy, whenever I fall in love, whenever I'm with someone else; It will always be you.

She had tried so hard to forget him.. And many times she could almost convince herself that she no longer cared. But all it took was the chorus of their favorite song, the lingering permanent scent of his cologne, or the use of his favorite comeback (which she now uses) and it was right back to the beginning. No matter how much time had passed, she still missed the place where their fingers perfectly aligned with each others’. Memories of him caught her at the most unexpected times.. in the middle of an English exam, at 1 AM on a Saturday morning, or while waiting for the light to change at an intersection. He knew her best, and he loved her like only a first true love could. She didn’t know what he was doing now, or how often he thought of her, but she knew she crossed his mind from time to time. Because their love was real, what they shared with each other was extraordinary.

I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often.

"these are things that i don't understand: how infinite is space, & who decides your fate. why everything will dissolve into sand. how to avoid defeat, when truth & fiction meet.why nothing ever turns out the way you plan."

"And just because you keep something a secret doesn't mean it never happened. No matter how much you want that to be true."