Monday, February 28, 2011

.. sometimes it takes closing your eyes to see what you really have

The worst kind of pain is when your smiling, just to stop the tears from falling. Your sleeping, just so you don’t have to think.


I live in notes and photographs and everything im holding back. But you’re the words that weren’t enough, you remind me of a song I used to love.


i don’t know what it is about you.. maybe it’s the way nothing else matters when we’re talking, or how you make me smile more than anyone else has. it could be the way you say the right thing at the right time. but whatever it is, i just want you to know that it means everything to me.


And it hurts more than anything.. When the memories that are keeping you together become the reason you’re completely falling apart.





Lately I don’t care if I fall apart or stay together because in the darkness of every night, it will happen either way because my eyes finally see what my heart feels, complete emptiness.


“Please don’t go away. No one’s ever stuck with me so long. I know it’s there, cause when I look at you, I can feel it. And I look at you and I’m home. Please.. I don’t want it to go away. I don’t want to forget.”


trust me, i know how it feel. i know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you. i know what it’s like to wait for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels.




I just wanted to tell you, that you are why i daydream. you are why I’m always so tired, because i spend the whole night thinking about you. you are the reason i come to school each morning. you are why i get those butterflies in my stomach. every time i look at you, my heart begins to race. it’s that simple; you are my everything.


you want to know what living life to the fullest actually is? it’s waking up on a monday morning with no complaints. it’s knowing you always deserve to laugh. it’s doing what feels right no matter what. it’s doing what you want to no matter how stupid you look. it’s about being yourself, because no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.


…and im always and forever thankful for that. and i bet you have no idea how much I’ve changed since you left. im stronger now, somehow the pain helps me to grow, to be a better person. forgiveness set me free, yes, whatever the pain you’ve caused, i forgive you. no bitterness now, just acceptance.





Much time has passed between us, and sometimes i wonder..do you still think of me? of how we used to be? of our memories? i hope that when you look back, you’ll smile, and no…don’t feel bad about me, or the pain you have caused. i want you to be happy, i only wish all the good thing in you, and i hope that all of those future plan you have before, please make them all come true. believe in yourself, the way i believe in you… i know you can do it. and please don’t  ever, ever, think that you’re not good enough, because for me, until now..you are worth it, even all the pain. everything about you is wonderful, and i feel happy knowing that i’ve given a chance to know someone like you. you’re special you know.


and now, all i have is your memories, and day after day…they fade. i miss you..i miss talking to you.





I want to be the girl that changed everything. The girl that made a difference. The girl that gave you a story to tell.


the laws of physics are basically the laws of life. with all the unpredictable chaos around us, there are certain universal constants. gravity, the speed of light… these constants never change, even when everything else around them does. life is full of unknowns, and when those unknowns are too overwhelming, it’s the constants that we have to hold onto. like our friends, the ones who are not afraid to tell us that there’s no such thing as normal. the ones who have been in our lives for every minute with you, even the hardest minutes. like those who could have walked away, but chose to stick around. even though they had their own lives, families, their own children. like our parents, because we wouldn’t be here without them. who pick us up when we fall, who come when we call them, who answer when we knock. we all learned what a light-year is. and these years together have been our light-years. the years where everything became brighter, where we learned that the bright spots in our life aren’t merely spots, but constants. and no matter where i go or what i do, you are my constant


if you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it wonders




we all remember the bedtime stories of our childhood. The shoe fits cinderella, the frog turns into a prince, sleeping beauty is awakened with a kiss, once upon a time and they they lived happily ever after. Fairytales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairytales don’t come true. It’s the other dark stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seems to become reality. 

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